It Changes

     Yes, leave was good. Yes, I didn't miss the Army one bit. And yes, I felt like an outsider. Didn't help that I was scalped but the problem was deeper, on the other side of my skull. Also it didn't seem like those my age had much use for a soldier on leave. Us soldiers been squeezed out of society. My generation had been split between the going and not going. Shouldn't have been that way but that's the way it was. Half of me had changed, cut free from who I'd been. The other half came later in infantry training and more so in Vietnam.
     Twenty-one days after arriving home, Lois drove me to the airport where I boarded a plane half filled with GIs off to Fort Lewis, Washington and points east. Once again I was joined by my buddy misery and we shared a seat. Misery makes for a poor companion. Takes the fun out of most everything. At its base is loss and fear. And its memory dogs me to this day. I can conjure up that little beast any time I want. Doesn't take much effort as it sits just below the surface. Two years of misery's company sure did wear a wrinkle in my brain and has spawned an attitude that'll never go away. Best I can do is look the other way when it tries to make eye contact.
     It was raining in Seattle when we landed. Rained all the way past Tacoma and into Fort Lewis. Over the next nine weeks the only time it wasn't raining was when the temperatures dropped and it snowed. Once off the bus we were greeted by smiling sergeants holding up placards that read Future Grunts and Other Assorted Scum, This Way. Neatly printed but not a good sign of things to come. We shuffled off to our new homes at B-4-3. Once there I was sifted down to the fourth platoon, then re-sifted upstairs in another white, wooden, fire-trap of a temporary barracks.  There I met Earl Greene who'd been in my basic training company. Seems he remembered my boots, figured I was just the man to polish his and we became friends. A flip of the coin said it was my choice as to top or bottom bunk. Though I thought I preferred the bottom, Earl said I was wrong in my thinking. Being open to the possibility that I might be wrong, I took the upper. Earl smiled, no doubt out of joy that I'd gotten what I'd truly wanted and learned the error of my ways.
     First day in the barracks I was approached by an acting corporal. He'd already finished infantry training and was waiting on orders for NCO School. There he'd become a leader of men and hopefully'd make good decisions in combat so he'd not lead anyone to an early grave. Those things happen. As it was, I'd been chosen 'cause of my wonderful record in basic training to be a trainee squad leader. Immediately my mind traveled back to Williamson and his nightly mourning of his lost fifi bag. I hoped they'd been reunited behind military bars. Also to my trainee squad leader who'd been on guard when my boots'd gone AWOL. Figured to myself, "Damnation, there's no doubt I could do a better job than those two. Maybe also teach the Army the error of its ways and throw that in for free." Quickly I said, "Yowsah. I'm your man." Made my ego feel good. Yup, I had no idea what I was doing.