You've gotta remember this whole thing was planned and set up in five weeks. Nowadays it takes that long to figure out the wedding invitations. Lois and I picked up most of the wedding costs 'cause that was the easiest way. Take my word for that. No big sit down meal, no limo, Lois made the bridesmaid's dresses and her own. It was sandwiches in the church basement and an after reception at Lois' folks' house. That's just the way she had to be.
Nearly all of my friends, the one's I'd have asked to stand up for me, were in the services. Vietnam, Germany, the Philippines and on shipboard. Hell, there was a war goin' on. So it was my brother as best man, probably woulda had him up there anyhow, a friend and one of Lois' cousins.
Night wedding. Eight o'clock. Had to be. Lois was a hairdresser and had a lot of friends in the field. The wedding was on a Saturday and not a one of 'em woulda been able to get the day off or cut out early. Actually I believe Lois always leaned towards a candlelight ceremony form the time she was a little girl and she got one.
We wrote our own vows and told the priest and minister we'd have 'em memorized and wouldn't need any prompts or cue cards. Yup, we sure were cocksure about that. And probably wouldn't have had a problem if we'd taken the time to actually read what we wrote. Something about forever and ever as I recall.
So the big moment arrived as it inevitably had to seein' as how I'm writin' about it. All went well until Lois and her Dad came strollin' down the aisle and my brain kinda went blank. Not that I didn't want to be there, more like my brain decided to head outside for a cigarette. Turned out Lois' did also.
Time passed quickly and before you knew it, it was lifetime commitment time. Words and rings. The Minister and Priest first looked at me like it was my turn. I looked back like I had no idea why we were even there. Then it dawned on me I was supposed to say something. What that was way beyond me. Luckily they had the presence of mind to have a copy of what we were supposed to say and dragged the words out of me one at a time. It was like I'd never heard them before. I kept sayin' things like, "Are you sure?" and "Did I write that?"
We've got the whole thing on tape but neither of us have never had the guts to listen to it.
Lois, maybe tryin' to make me feel better, did the same. That she was clueless just like me was really vow enough. Our blank minds were made for each other.
We slipped the rings on each others fingers. They were matching yellow gold bands with pillow shaped, pieced-in jade. No diamond, no engagement ring. There's reasons for the lack of both but I ain't gonna bring them up. Now or ever. The wedding bands come back again in this story in a kinda interestin' way. At least to me. Let's just say what happened to them is kinda ironic.
And so it went. Reception, after reception, groom stolen. No one around to steal the bride I guess. Too late for the bars to be open and when we ran out of cigarettes it was time to head back. Not too eventful I 'spose.
Since we were headin' to Oahu to live, most people would call that honeymoon enough. As it was, our honeymoon was drivin' to the east side of Wisconsin to visit with Lois' grandma. Took us two days to get there. Mollie (nearly forty years later I ended up with a granddaughter named Mollie) lived alone in a house big enough for a crowd and had been a crowd back a few decades. It was there Lois learned I was AWOL. Oops, I sure had a red face. Next morning we headed back to Minneapolis.
On day two in AWOL Land I packed up my duffel plus a couple of boxes of household stuff 'cause we were fixin' to live on Oahu. Where exactly that'd be was anybody's goes. I sure had no idea. Hawaii was almost a foreign land and I had no real way of gettin' anywhere except by taxi, foot or bus. She was gonna be a challenge to say the least. But then I was not one to worry much about what the future might hold or I wouldn't have been AWOL.
The dude at the ticket counter gave me crap about bein' AWOL. But he sold me a ticket anyhow maybe 'cause he was there at the counter and not over in Vietnam gettin' his ass shot off like I'd been. More likely, he broke down 'cause I'd dropped to the floor, got in the fetal position and started to cry. Not real manly but it worked.
Whoopee! There I was on the way to paradise in a plane with champagne punch enough for two hundred. Only there wasn't but a dozen of us aboard on that late afternoon flight. Sure coulda got wasted had I not been so bummed out. It was there on the plane the weight of my screw up sank in. I was in a world of hurt without any idea how I was gonna pull the whole thing off. My ass in a wringer with the Army, more stuff aboard than I could carry, havin' to find a place to live in a city I'd never been in and then findin' a car with not a lot of money in the bank. This sure wasn't Kansas anymore Toto.
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